


destroy yourself, see who gives a fuck

by 5sosandfood



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Depression, M/M, but ashton still loves him, luke is depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-09 05:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1142078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5sosandfood/pseuds/5sosandfood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ashton sticks around even after everyone else is gone</p>
            </blockquote>





	destroy yourself, see who gives a fuck

**Author's Note:**

> literally just based off luke's shirt

Luke never intended to shut everyone out.

 

He never meant for his array of friends to boil down to just one, three if he’s lucky.

 

It began with Alex, who advised Luke to go get help. Luke didn’t want help though; he didn’t need it.

 

After Alex, his friends started to drop like flies. It seemed like every day, Luke lacked a friend. Ashton was always there though, and on good days, he had Calum and Michael too.

 

When the school year finally ended, Luke wanted no more than to lock himself in his room for three months. Ashton would always make time for a visit to Luke though.

 

Some would ask why Ashton stuck around. Why did he put up with Luke being depressed and socially quarantining himself? Simply because Ashton loved Luke. Ashton wouldn’t betray Luke like the others did.

 

Every day, Ashton would visit Luke with some new music, whether it be god awful or enough to make Luke smile. (They decide the worst is Katy Perry’s album Prism and the best is Save Rock’n’Roll by Fall Out Boy. Ashton would replay that album to Luke for days if he’d have the same reaction every time.)

 

The best days are when Ashton can get Luke out of bed. Ashton is sure that the greatest of those days are when he brought Luke “Say Something” by A Great Big World.

 

“Will you dance with me?” Ashton asks, looking over at his friend. When Luke hesitates for a full minute, Ashton puts on his pout.

 

“I guess,” Luke mutters. Ashton is giddy with joy and he takes Luke’s fragile hand, pulling the skinny boy up.

 

They don’t talk. Ashton wishes he had the nerve to confront so many topics, but he doesn’t. Not now, not when he finally got Luke out of bed and they’re dancing.

 

Both the best and worst day is when Ashton has to attend a family affair at the usual time he visits Luke. He contemplates sending Luke a message, but votes against it, considering Luke only checks his phone about once every two days.

 

Luke had been waiting on this day for a while. He knew the day would come where Ashton stopped visiting, but Luke’s heart aches anyway. He had thought Ashton was different than the others, but he’s clearly not.

 

Luke isn’t quite sure what to do about this pain. He’s already curled up into a ball, rarely eating or speaking to anyone other than Ashton.

 

_But Ashton is gone._

 

Those words are haunting to Luke. He comes to the conclusion that that should be painful enough, shouldn’t it? Not having Ashton with him?

 

However, it really isn’t painful enough. Heartache doesn’t serve for as much pain as it should. Something more physically painful would be better. Something that draws blood.

 

When Ashton is set free from his family, he breaks into a steady jog over to Luke’s. Ashton prays that Luke won’t be mad.

 

Ashton comes over so often that it’s like his second home and he doesn’t even bother with knocking.

 

When Ashton reaches Luke’s room and doesn’t see the blonde kid curled up in bed, he only worries for a split second. Luke isn’t a baby. He can use the bathroom on his own.

 

Okay, maybe Ashton should just check to make sure he’s in there and he’s okay? A little curiosity never hurt anyone. Well, except for the cat, but that’s a whole other story.

 

“Lukey? You in there?” Ashton calls through the bathroom door.

 

“Ashton? What are you doing here?”

 

“Look, I got stuck at this family event. I’m really sorry I didn’t make it on time.” Luke doesn’t reply and things are silent. No movement. Nothing. Just dead silence. “Can I come in?” Luke still doesn’t reply, but this time there is noise. It’s extremely quiet, but since Ashton’s ear is pressed up against the door, he can hear, what sounds like, quiet sobs. “Luke, can I please come in?” When Luke still doesn’t answer, Ashton has no more patience. He turns the knob, and the door is thankfully unlocked.

 

But Ashton wishes he hadn’t opened it.

 

“Luke, wha-”

 

“Ashton, I’m so sorry. I thought you abandoned me like everyone else-”

 

“Sit down,” Ashton orders. He’s actually at a loss for words. Of course, Luke was unstable, but Ashton thought he was stable enough to not inflict pain upon himself.

 

Ashton rummages through the cabinets until he finds alcohol, Neosporin, and gauze.

 

“This will sting,” Ashton states as he prepares to pour the alcohol over Luke’s wound. Luke doesn’t even wince.

 

Once Ashton finishes up with the Dr. Irwin gig, he sits cross-legged in the floor, looking up at Luke.

 

“Will you stop?” Ashton mutters, resting his hands on Luke’s kneecaps.

 

“Stop what? I’ve never done this before, Ash,” Luke grumbles, sounding quite irritated with the boy at his feet.

 

“I mean everything, Luke. Will you please be the bubbly kid you used to be?”

 

“No,” Luke mutters. “No I won’t.”

 

“Luke, you’re fucking dying slowly!” Ashton bursts, making Luke jump. “You may not think so, but you are. Confining yourself like this is eating away at your soul!”

 

“People don’t have souls, Ashton. Don’t be stupid.” Ashton doesn’t want to hear it anymore. He doesn’t want to hear Luke so sad and depressed anymore. He’s so fucking tired of it.

 

He snaps.

 

“You know what, destroy yourself! See who gives a fuck!” Ashton bursts, standing up. He looks down to see the blonde’s pierced lip trembling and tears threatening to fall. “I do,” Ashton breathes, his heart swelling with regret for what he just said to Luke. “I give a fuck. And you wanna know why? Because I love you. I love you so much, Luke.” Ashton sits back down at the blonde boy’s feet.

 

“I love everything about you. I love your eyes and I love your hair and I love your smile. I love your voice and how you’d say my name when you got pissed off. I love your scent, as weird as it may sound, and your legs are better than fucking Beyoncé’s and I love how shy you are but when you actually get to know someone, you’re an annoying little shit. I love your taste in music and I love making fun of sucky singers with you. I love the way you wear your beanies and when you sing with your accent. I love watching you play guitar and wishing that I could be as good as you one day. I love your nose; it’s a perfect nose like the ones children draw on stick figures. The same about your eyebrows: they’re child-perfect. I love your bracelets and how pointless they really are. I love your heart, Luke. You’re such an angel and even though you may not think so, you’re special to everyone. Everyone who you think abandoned you? They still care. They ask about you all the time and pray that you’ll be the same old Luke again. They all love you. But most importantly, _I_ love you. I’m _in_ love with you and I have been for too long now. That’s why I come visit you every day, Luke. Because I’m in love with you.” Luke looks at Ashton, dumbfounded, for a solid minute and a half.

 

“Will you marry me?” Luke finally breathes and Ashton can’t help but laugh.

 

“No, love,” Ashton replies with a smile. “I won’t marry you. Not yet, anyway. However, I will go on a date with you. _If_ that’s alright with you?”

 

“You can bet that’s alright with me.” Luke smiles and falls into Ashton’s arms, knocking Ashton over into the bathroom floor.

 

Ashton never thought he’d see the day when Luke giggled.


End file.
